I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
