Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am puke
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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