she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
