i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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