I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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