i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
