Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
