i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
