I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
