Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
