...so i touched it.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
