The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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