so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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