yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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