6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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