She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
