last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
