so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
