I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
