I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
