FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
