I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
