It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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