I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
