I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
