Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
