There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
