I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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