You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
