Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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