Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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