Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
