All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
