he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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