i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well you can't waste a boner
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
