I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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