she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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