shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
