Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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