I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
