Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
