I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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