So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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