It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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