he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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