someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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