found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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