i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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