Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
