you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
