I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
