but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
