I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
