I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
