I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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