Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
