They should really pass out barf bags in church
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
