Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize