Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
