my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
