I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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