do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so let's talk penis.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
