i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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