she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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