whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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