It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
