if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
3 2 1 whiskey
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
