I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
