If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
