Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
