I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
