And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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