whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
