Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
