Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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