I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
