Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
