He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
