I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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