thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
