hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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